I have been fortunate in my life, not with money, with animals and people. I have had money. Enough for me to buy a couple of homes and a farm, and for a short time, about five years to buy whatever I wanted.
Yesterday, evening, I realized that my fortune has not come from money or connections, being born into a wealthy family, or having a formal education(I left High School when I turned seventeen).
I possess no certificates of achievement or awards.
The only material possessions I own include two backpacks, one empty and the other neatly packed with the basic clothes and personal care necessities, a cellphone, a laptop, and chargers for both. A box of books that I will read, the rest will go in the empty backpack before I leave the mountain. Scott's hat, his fleece jacket, and his winter jacket which I will wear on my travels. I only have one small rain jacket tucked away in the main backpack. Scott always passed on his clothes to me if he thought I needed something. I have one pair of shoes, a pair of Keen sandals that I love, Scott found them, brand new at a thrift store. This is all I will carry and own, what I need will be replaced as I move along.
What I do have is a full heart, some life experience and my connection to Scott, my brother David, and my spirit animals who are here with me, all of them not living on this side of things anymore.
I have a small family left and a few friends.
I am rich, so rich.
Last night, in bed, after crying for quite awhile, I looked up at the moon. And realized that my heart is not missing any parts.
Until, I met Scott, I was missing the last piece. The last piece that could fit the puzzle. I searched all over. Even with David and my animals, I felt a hole in my heart where a feeling of loneliness would surface. I learned to live with it. Sitting on a rock at the beach watching my golden retriever puppy Melanie, so full of love and new life, chase seagulls and search for yucky things to eat, I would feel the hole in part of my heart. I would feel the pain of missing someone through out my life. It was a longing that could not be filled.
Until I met Scott. He was the last puzzle piece. My heart is full now. There is nothing missing.
Nothing missing, I whispered to myself last night in the dark. I whispered to Scott, my heart is full now, because of you. The loneliness has disappeared, the search is over, my heart is full.
I am not alone anymore.