My foot out the window while Scott and I relaxed at one of the beaches in Crescent City, CA
We watched the waves for hours almost every day when we were near the California Coast
My experience and what I am learning is that messages that come to us from our soulmates, friends, family, siblings, animals, guides, angels on the other side of the veil (for lack of a better description) arrive in many forms. There isn't one way. There isn't the same way. The messages change and evolve as the process of grief deepens and a new way of being on this journey emerges. Worrying or overthinking how the messages are received, worrying about when it happens or how the process is happening for others and how it may be different for me blocks the message and healing that I need. Worry and fear of abandonment cloud my reception. The messages have a more challenging time getting through. I might not be able to see, I sometimes might not be able to feel it.
The truth is there is an incredible power of love, healing and guidance surrounding me at all times.
I am finding opening my heart and surrendering brings forth the answers and healing I need. It hurts, it's not easy. I can't control it, make it happen, or expect it or demand the communication, the guidance, the healing to be a certain way.
I am in pure surrender and accepting whatever form it takes.
I have been thinking about David, my soulmate brother who transitioned twenty years ago. I haven't felt David's presence in a long time until the last couple of days and especially today. I find myself talking about David, expanding my writing to include David, and I feel David's presence. I felt that David is also here healing and guiding me through losing Scott but I wasn't sure. I needed some sort of confirmation and I got it when a blog reader named Marcia wrote me to share her loss of her two siblings and she mentioned David. Her message mentioning and acknowledging David is more than enough to deepen my understanding that David is a part of the healing process during this time for not just me but for others as well.
A message from Scott came today in the form of a photo by a prayer group member that was sent to me. The photo showed streaks of cloud formations over Stow Lake, in Golden Gate Park. Scott has been communicating through clouds. The prayer group wasn't informed of this and when I got the message, I was going through a rough time of it. I haven't connected the Stow Lake Park part and I may not. It feels like a deeper message and I don't know if it will be revealed. The clouds were enough to remind me that I am still surrounded by love and healing as our journey continues to its next form.
The nights continue to be rough and I am surrendering to whatever messages or healing comes my way. It is hard to have your two best friends and soulmates on the other side. A bigger picture will be revealed along with the steps I need to take as I surrender, traveling solo on this side of the journey. Scott and David are not in physical form however their presence in my life is growing deeper and their presence in my life grows stronger as I let go into the mystery of what happens next.
I know my life as I move forward now will be one of service and a healing purpose. I can't ask for two better soulmates to be by my side as we travel along this journey together.