In the Misty Redwoods
“We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.”
Before I returned to my hometown, Sonoma County, California, I was worried.
Scott and I covered every inch of Sonoma County exploring by car, bus, and foot the redwoods, the beaches, the valleys, and mountains of where I have lived for the past forty years. I thought going back the memories of our time together would be extremely painful.
I was wrong.
There is pain, a pain that comes deep within the heart that I have learned to not shut down. I allow it to "carve me out" as Elizabeth Gilbert shared in the video I uploaded on this blog. I don't think there is a better word, it feels like a carving, a sculpting.
There is also joy, so much joy Scott and I shared traveling what I believe is the most beautiful place on Earth, Sonoma County. The memories flood me as my mom and my sister take me on errands to places I have been before hundreds and thousands of times.
I am seeing with new eyes. And I am feeling the experiences Scott and I shared. It is so beautiful. Of all of the places, I have been, I feel Scott in Sonoma County more than anywhere. Scott was a traveler, he wanted to see the world. Even so, he loved Sonoma County as much as I did.
Scott raised his family in the Sacramento area, any chance he got, he brought them to Sonoma County to share with them the wonder that is here and many times he visited by himself. When he was young, he fished with his dad at Bodega Bay. When he moved out of the Sacramento area, he moved to Sonoma County.
It wasn't hard for Scott to leave Sonoma, he was ready to travel the roads. It wasn't easy for me to leave. We returned to Sonoma County after our first attempt to leave, when I got altitude sickness at the Grand Canyon, we stayed for awhile, until we ventured out again to travel as nomads camping, staying overnight at Walmarts and most of the time inexpensive hotels.
This time, I returned to Sonoma County alone.
Before, I got here, I didn't want to return here. I wanted to hit the road as fast as possible. And runaway, runaway from the memories we shared in Sonoma County, runaway from the pain, runaway to continue our travels together.
COVID spiking and shelter in restrictions, and a halt to the volunteer programs I applied for stopped me in my tracks, turning me around and sending me back home.
So here I am, home in Sonoma County, still without a physical home, traveling from house to house with my green backpack.
I will always feel at home in Sonoma County and have a home in Sonoma County with relatives and friends. I will always return home to Sonoma County from my travels.
I don't know how long I am staying here. I have a strong feeling I will be leaving for awhile this Spring.
For now, I am home.