Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Hugs

Beautiful Owl Card from a Close Family Friend

My friend writes me. Our friend. A beautiful note about Scott. About Scott and Me. And the last time she saw Scott, a few months ago. She ran into him at his work, and he gave her a big hug. Scott's hugs were the best. You could feel them. I still can. 

When Scott hugged me. My head fit perfectly in the middle of his chest, My forehead pressing into him. He had the most loving, comforting hug. And he gave it to everyone. Scott was and is a healer. Well. More like a Shaman. 

I will get into that later as our journey continues. 

Yesterday afternoon was rough, my sister invited me to go with her to run errands and go grocery shopping. It was the first time going into town since Scott's been gone. I have never experienced this kind of grief, so I didn't realize how hard it would hit me to retrace our steps going backwards. 

Going to the gas station. Passing the store, Scott bought me a lottery ticket at on my last birthday when we came up for a visit, and the grocery store. The grocery store was the hardest. This time, I was shopping alone. I've spent most of my life shopping alone before Scott. This time, it was different. I could feel the loss. The pain of not having Scott here physically.

Scott and I always shopped together. Rarely, did we shop separate except for Best Buy. Scott could spend forever in Best Buy looking at all the latest gadgets. I called him Inspector Gadget. After a few trips to Best Buy, standing next to Scott, and his long conversations with the employees there about each intricate detail of the latest technology, I started waiting in the car. Oh. How now. I wish he was here, and I would stand there for hours listening to him at Best Buy. You don't think about that, though, you don't think that one day they will be gone or you will be the one plucked out of here. So, I sat in the car and read or looked at my phone. Scott was totally okay with that, except knowing him, he would have liked me to go on every Best Buy trip.

At the grocery store, this time, it was only me. No more treats for Scott in the grocery basket, no more looking for his favorite foods to make for lunch, to cook for dinner, to keep for his breakfasts in the morning. No more snacks for movie night. Just a few items for me to get through the week.

At home, I put my stuff away, took a bath, and sobbed, and cried, and talked to Scott. I told him I wasn't upset at him. I wasn't mad. I just missed him. I was happy he was in a good place with lots of love, guides, spirits, angels and more power than he had here. But, I missed him. Painfully, missed him. 

I told him, I love Earth, but it's like mud. Everything takes so long to get through. To get through hearts. To see clearly what is important. To care for each other. To stop suffering. To understand the reason we are here can't possibly be shopping for the holidays. 

After, a good long cry and talk with Scott, I fixed myself a small plate of dinner, wrote back his mom who sent me a beautiful photo of a heart his family had drawn in the sand on a very special beach of his that I know he could see and feel, such a gift. I talked to my mom. Wrote. Tried to watch a movie that never got started, my wi fi speed was too slow, and then went to bed. 

Gratefully, so grateful, my sleep was filled with good feeling, memories, and I slept surrounded by love and light with the soft glow of the moon lighting the room just enough to help me feel not so alone. 








 

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