Smith River, Del Norte County
Scott and I checked the River out several times. We were never comfortable camping here. Later a fire came through, and I haven't been back since, so I don't know where the fire actually burned.
There is an infinite amount of love and wisdom available to us if we surrender and are open to it. Our love and wisdom does not come from one person, one pet, one idea. Love and Wisdom is not limited. It is expansive.
When I got together with Scott. We were two Independent individuals wanting to create a new path together. We were not Dependent individuals needing each other for survival although we did become dependent at times and it was a horrible shock to lose Scott. In the beginning, I didn't want to go on without him.
The fear and feeling I did not want to continue on this journey without him lasted a short time. When I surrendered and accepted what had happened, I was flooded with love and awareness.
Grief and loss is not an easy path. It is filled with brambles and road blocks. I stop every few steps, feel the loss, and let the grief take me over. Then. I pick myself up and continue along the path.
I have never had children. So I don't know what bearing a child is like. I feel like grief maybe similar in a way. I look at it as labor. I must go through it. There is no going back. I ride the waves of pain. Breathing through, I know there will be a space in between where I can rest and sometimes feel a state of peace and calm, sometimes an incredible love or euphoria until the next wave hits. As time goes on, the spaces of peace and calm, the acceptance, the love grows and the incredible pain begins to subside. I don't have any idea how long this will last and it doesn't matter. I am on the journey. There is no going backwards. There is no controlling it.
Our source of love and wisdom is universal. I believe we are a channel for it. Our source is not dependent and limited. This is something I go back to as I go through losing Scott. Love and Wisdom is available for me at all times.
Just like it is hard to breathe when you are in incredible pain, it is difficult to see how you are surrounded by love and wisdom, when you are in grief from losing someone.
You are. I am supported. At all times.
Love and wisdom is just waiting, ready for us to receive.