Crescent City, Northern California
One of Scott and my favorite spots
We spent hours and days here watching the sea
This morning to avoid going into a dark hole, I am beginning new rituals. It is rainy and cold outside. I made my bed fluffy and comfortable. My laundry is in the washer. My room is clean. It is important to take care of myself during these times.
I am playing music called "morning coffee" on my CALM app from Google Play that I mentioned in a previous post. I have my three books on my bed to read (my reading list is on the right side of the home page of the blog if you are interested), along with my journal and my gorgeously illustrated WeMoon 2021 calendar.
I am back to using tools in my life to keep me from falling into the grey world (anxiety and depression). I didn't have to use tools except for my writing when Scott was here. He was my anchor. I need my tools now.
Later, I might go on a walk, depending on how much rain we get. I am finding watching movies or series on Netflix is bringing me down. Even the most well written shows can't compete with reading books and being in nature, so I am shutting down my experiment to try and see if I could escape into the television.
Escaping isn't working for me. Staying connected to the natural world, reading good books, taking photos, writing, and spending time with people who can hold space, listen, and understand that there are no easy fixes or answers while this journey and mystery unfolds is what I need right now.
And the biggest thing I find that makes me feel better after losing Scott is Giving. I've donated some money in Scott's honor and I love sending cards and books to people. Eventually, as Covid is under control, I will be able to volunteer and travel while I give back, work, and share stories on my blog.
My blog is the thread that keeps me going. I call it my command central station. Here is where I can create a new life for myself while always loving Scott and continuing my search for the mystery, joy, and magic that living is, here, on this Earth.