Driving with Scott
On the way to Olema, California
In Sonoma, I am following the guidance I have been given to:
and Wait for the Answer
In the meantime, I am not making solid travel travel plans for the future until after the New Year holidays are over unless an opportunity arises that feels right.
I am preparing for future travel.
This morning, I ordered 3.4 oz travel size bottles for the few personal care items I carry, so that my stuff doesn't get thrown out by TSA at the airport. I remember getting frustrated watching an expensive bottle of suntan lotion which didn't pass the guidelines tossed into the garbage can at the check in on my way to a flight to Las Vegas several years ago. I haven't made that mistake again.
I've also ordered a pair of comfortable capri pants that I can wear in warm weather. I've updated two of the apps I will be using to book places to stay in between my volunteer and work opportunities. I will be using Hostelworld for the first time and Booking.com which Scott and I used through-out our travels together.
I watch myself take small steps towards the next part of the journey.
The immense pain I was feeling after Scott's death is subsiding, although a sorrow I carry remains. I feel that he is integrating within me. This is hard to explain, although, I have read other women having had the same experience as well. This makes me feel better and not so alone during this process. I talk to Scott everyday and feel him answering me within along with other forms of messages I receive. I also feel he is a part of me, infused in a way, that we are sharing experiences together. This might sound a bit "crazy", and I thank the other people out there who have lost their loved ones and partners expressing the same although very individual experiences as well.
“On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend's life also, in our own, to the world.”