After my dream, before my cup of coffee, I listened to a meditation on my CALM app and learned of a new word. Gezellig. Gezellig is a Dutch word encouraging one to be social and relax with friends. Something I experience very little of these days and I am sure I am not alone in this. You could say, Scott was my Gezellig. Everything social, fun, relaxed, and cozy I did with Scott. We were with each other twenty-four/seven most of the time and pretty much exclusively during our travels for many weeks and months at a time while we camped and traveled up and down the West Coast exploring California, Oregon and Washington and through the Desert of Arizona and Nevada.
So there is a big hole in my life that I am trying to fill with books, meditations, more writing, nature, and some time spent with family.
While I listened to the meditation this morning, sand castles were mentioned as a good way to practice Gezellig. I have thought a lot about sand castles lately. How life feels like a perpetual sand castle. Everything I build seems to disappear into the ocean of life.
Sand castles remind me of our trip to San Luis Obispo and one of the few fights, Scott and I had. I can't even remember what it was about. Probably, it was me. I was not happy with a camping spot at a hot springs, I had booked. We stayed for six nights. The hot springs, the olympic size pool was wonderful, the camping spot was not. We literally camped in the dirt and the porta potties were over flowing and disgusting. Poor Scott. I tortured him with my crying, yes, tears rolled down my face, every time I had to go "pee". Luckily, there was a private bathroom and shower open during the day time hours. At night, I had to use the gross porta potty.
Anyway, my stress got to me and I am sure we got into a snit, or I got into a snit because of it. While I sulked in the passenger seat, Scott drove the van to a beach in San Luis Obispo. I got out of the car, stomped off acting like a "brat" and fell into a pile of sand and started digging, shaping what looked like a lopsided turtle. Scott took a walk, after his stroll along the beach, he found a spot a few feet away from me, found a comfortable blanket of sand to lie down on and took a nap, while I worked out my frustrations in the sand.
I guess you could say, we escaped into a Gezellig kind of truce. I forgave him for something he really didn't cause, and my stress was released and buried into the sand that day.