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Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Accepting my Situation

If you look close, you can see the almost full moon through the trees
Sugar Loaf
Yesterday



During my meditation this morning, I came to the realization that I am feeling connected and separated. This is my situation. 

I feel connected to Scott. I feel connected to my source. I feel connected to love.

I feel separate from Scott. I feel separate from my source. I feel separate from love.

There is no escape from my situation of feeling connected and separate. There is no escape from the situation that Scott is not living in the physical realm. There is no escape that I am now living a solo life in the physical. There is no denial, escape, or way to fix this situation. It is a situation that cannot be fixed, in this life.

So what now?

I practice.

I practice acceptance. I practice living feeling connected and separated. I move forward in my life connected and separated. I live in the now connected and separated. I allow myself to fully live my life accepting this new situation. I don't have to like it. I can find joy in it. The bottom line is, I practice accepting it and living from it.

How can I live a connected and separated life?  Isn't that too painful?  Can I integrate the two into one?

I don't know.  

All I know for sure is that my separated and connected life is my human experience. I do know sometimes I feel whole and can integrate the two. Sometimes, I can't. I feel moments of excitement and a taste of joy on the breath of my lips that I am fully independent choosing whatever I want whenever I want now. Most of the time, I  carry a sorrow, a painful reminder that Scott is not here. Some moments, I feel Scott so close, I breathe him in, and I feel him walking right beside me.

My practice is to accept all of this. My practice is to accept my life as it is. My practice is to love myself and my life.

My practice is the journey. I will never have all of the answers. 

My practice is to accept my situation and not try to run from it.

There is no escape. There is no escape from the now.

It's my life. My practice is to accept it and live it as fully and with as much love as I can.

 

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