Photo from Sunset a few days ago
It looks like rain. I am debating back and forth whether I'm going to venture out for a hike today. It might just turn out to be a run to the French Bakery to pick up breakfast and eat in the car, for a change of scenery.
This morning, I am thinking about "Where Do I Focus My Attention". My friend "C", when we worked together in the pet sitting business, had a saying, "I want to set us up for success". Set us up for success meant we set out expectations for the sit, established clear communication with our clients, and gathered as much information as possible to care for our client's animals to the best of our ability.
This morning setting up myself for success for today and the future means I watch where I am focusing my attention. I steer myself away from focusing on what I have lost. It doesn't mean I don't feel love and a deep connection with Scott. It doesn't mean I bypass grief and stuff down my emotions. It doesn't mean I don't cry. It doesn't mean I don't thank Scott for all the good things he brought in my life. It doesn't mean I don't forgive myself and Scott for any hurts we caused each other.
What setting myself up for success means is I take care of myself in simple ways that create steps to a joyful, healthy future for myself which deepens my connection and love for Scott and those who have passed and for those who are here today. Taking care of myself does not take away my love and connection. Living in joy, staying positive, lifting myself up, living at a higher vibration of love and gratitude isn't betraying Scott. It is a celebration of our love and my love for my life.
I watch and listen to my friend Shugri. She is an inspiration. I don't think I have been around a friend that expresses so much joy, enthusiasm and excitement for her craft, her writing, her life, her connections, her friends and family and nature after going through so much hell, to put it mildly.
This morning, I am setting myself up for success by listening to the neighborhood crows call back and forth in the backyard, the songbirds chatter away as the clouds grow dark expecting rain. I gaze at the glorious green houseplant in awe of something so alive, living here in my bedroom filtering the air, taking care of me. I am grateful for the shelves filled with books that I am excited to read and explore. I hear the rooster crowing in the distance filling me with memories of my own farm I was fortunate to keep for several years.
I am grateful I met Scott and we were able to spend so much time with each other. I am grateful I can feel him. I am grateful for his messages. I am grateful for the message he sent me to wait on the trail by the parking lot for a few extra moments after my hike. At first I didn't want to listen to the message he was sending me, I thought what can possibly be left for me to see. All the hawks are gone, the animals have scattered, I am too close to noise and too much busyness for a bird to fly by. I pushed away my doubts. I trusted Scott's voice. I waited, biding my time, taking photos of yellow golden bodied finches far away in a bush until she said "hello". And I met my new friend Shugri.